'Refugee'

Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

“You don’t have to live like a refugee” were words spoken to me by my first therapist–so very long ago during my first eating disorder treatment and they have stayed with me for over 15 years.  What does it mean to be a refugee?  Well, a refugee is a person who has been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution, or natural disaster.  In essence, it is someone without a home.  My therapist was conveying to me that when I am active in my eating disorder, I am like a refugee–essentially a stranger living in a foreign land.

“Somewhere, somehow somebody
Must have kicked you around some
Tell me why you want to lay there
And revel in your abandon
Honey, it don’t make no difference to me baby
Everybody’s had to fight to be free”

Just as Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, encountered her obstacles (life challenges) and characters (guides) on her road home, I too have been confronted by my own. As with all who have lived life and faced challenges, I, too, have been “kicked around.” And, my eating disorder has been quite clever at throwing me reasons to “just lay there and revel in my abandon.” But, here my therapist was reminding me that “everybody’s had to fight to be free.”

“Baby we ain’t the first
I’m sure a lot of other lover’s been burned
Right now this seems real to you
But it’s one of those things
You gotta feel to be true”

On the road to my new home in recovery, it has been my eating disorder, more than life’s challenges which has “kicked me around, tied me up, taken me and held me for ransom.” It has repeatedly convinced me that it is I, the refugee, who is nothing without IT, my home.  In blaming ME for my situation, it can easily persuade me to stop, quit and just lie on the road.  And, in that state—like a lost, abandoned and scorned lover, my faith in my ability to recovery becomes uncertain as the road fogs.  Just as Dorothy being tricked by the Wicked Witch, doubting she would never return home to Kansas, I believe my state to be real and true.

“Somewhere, somehow somebody
Must have kicked you around some
Who knows, maybe you were kidnapped
Tied up, taken away and held for ransom
It don’t really matter to me
Everybody’s had to fight to be free”

In my state of helplessness and hopelessness, just as Dorothy, or any refugee desires, I long to be home. But the recovery road home is a strange and complex one.  For just as Dorothy learned, it is the road that, ironically, returns me to the home I once knew, but with renewed awareness and understanding that makes it feel brand new. So…

“You see you don’t have to live like a refugee (don’t have to live like a refugee)
I said you don’t have to live like a refugee (don’t have to live like a refugee)
You don’t have to live like a refugee (don’t have to live like a refugee),
ah, ah”

HSP’s & Radical Self Love

HSP’s & Radical Self Love

Nothing is more powerful than the act of turning your Love inward, toward yourself.

Highly Sensitive people are the most human of all humans. Feeling more deeply, sensing more intensely and taking longer to process takes a toll on our nervous systems causing us to feel overwhelmed. Being more sensitive means we are more affected by the feelings we have, making it more difficult to have the energy or feel the worth it requires to care for ourselves.

Change is the reason people seek out therapy.

Change is the reason people seek out therapy.

Hello Loves and Happy Autumn! Cooler mornings and earlier sunsets are showing us that change is in the air. The longer shadows and the thinner air might bring with it a strange sense of nostalgia and a familiar yet strange kind of loneliness. Change is more than the physical differences that are happening, it affects us on a cellular level.

Energy Healing: How Reiki Empowers Women

Energy Healing: How Reiki Empowers Women

Women come to see feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. Often the givers in their relationships they come to me feeling guilty for not giving even more and confused as to why they feel so unfulfilled. They’ve believed that this way of being would bring them satisfaction and purpose and instead these successful, creative, dedicated and committed women are depleted and on the verge of collapse.